does it matter

really?

it's like a complex metaphor
in which you are my sun rays and warmth
and i am some sort of being that is only satisfied
at sun rise
but in this metaphor i prefer the sun not come out
instead i would very much like if it just stayed away
to let me frolic in the darkness and learn to love
to swim amongst the shadows of my past and the
colors of my future
so sure there is not immediate gratification
and frowns aren't turned upside down in an instant
but surely i will get a lot more done this way

maybe just for a second . if i could just get it just right .

so you say your thorns are suppose to keep me from picking you?
who is to say that you were not made to be picked?
oh, so death would be an eminent result were i to follow my instinct?
can i not then pick you and nurse you for a while?
what good is your beauty if i cannot wake up to it? next to me? by my side?
and you say the point is just to stop and smell you?
appreciate your wonder?
oh and it won't last?
but who really is to say?
well then can i at least take a picture? carry it in my left pocket?
perhaps i'll keep it in a locket and drape it around my neck.
heavens knows trying to recall your exquisiteness would keep me awake hours through the night.
but i believe i do need sleep because since you won't let me keep you,
i must hold on to the hope that i might see you in my dreams once i close my eyes.
if you would only lend me your smile?
perhaps just for tonight?
oh it must get cold here, does it not?
perhaps i could lend you my warmth? maybe if you would allow it?
oh but the allure would be gone then you say?
but would you not let me try? at least just for tonight?
maybe i could stay here until i'm sure i have your memory just right?
camp out amidst the twilight?
oh no just not possible? but why ever not?
no i don't believe it's true. if i could just...
if i could just hold... perhaps just hold this moment if you would allow it?
not so much as to explain it.
perhaps more as validation. you see i never believed in this sort of thing before.
and if i could just... maybe hold this moment past tonight?
carry it in my left pocket?
perhaps keep it in a locket and drape it around my neck.
and perhaps keep it open and relive it every second of my life.
if i could just... maybe just for tonight?
you see i'm scared this is as good as it gets.
well i've been walking around for a while and i've still got mile after mile...
but none of it has ever been so delicate,
so quite inexplicable.
so maybe, if you were to let me rest my head by your side,
perhaps just for tonight?
well you see i've quite enjoyed the ride
but my pockets are empty and i'm too tired to run.
i was just so impatient to reach the rays of light emanating from the sun.
but when i came
and almost went
all in a flash
there came from you a different pull
i knew this just couldn't be the same
even with all the years i spent
crash after crash.
oh yes? if that is what it will take.
just to believe your promise that my heart will indeed break?
i don't know who is to say.
but if there is an end
then there will be a beginning
and there will be moments in between
and if you could just let me hold them...
perhaps put them in my left pocket?
carry them in a locket and drape them around my neck.
perhaps keep them open and relieve every breath.
that sort of thing just is not possible you say?
but maybe if i could just... just hold you forever?
maybe hold you forever just for tonight?
you see i never believed in this sort of thing before.
it's just so right.

lameness &over-analyzation

weird post i guess .
so inside my head, it's like looking around and everything is fabulous. but, if you look close enough, there might be a crack. and that crack is the most annoying thing. and when the sun is up just right, it isn't covered by a shadow but illuminated by the day light.
i just need something separate. like something that belongs to just me even if not entirely. not something like school, or a job, or the computer, or facebook... something fun. [:

it's wednesday

as much as i like to bitch and moan about the horrors and tragedies of the world, i have to admit, it's quite inspiring.

you view a film on suffering in africa and amidst all the tragedy your eyes are trying to process you realize that these people still have the power to smile, laugh even. and in this small act, the immensity that is the human spirit is luminous behind the dark walls of their suffering. and for a second it's hard not to think "this world can't be that bad".

even if one believes that he has had the worst life, EVER, he has to admit that there has been a moment in that life, when he was happy. and that moment, however rare, almost makes everything okay. almost makes everything serene. almost makes life even and fair. just the fact that feelings like those he has once felt, feelings of elation, love, joy, harmony... it's, well, a blissful thing. it's not always sunny. but on those days that the sun shines the perfect amount, it is irrefutable that the world and life are sometimes enough to make someone happy.

and yes, i'll use a word as simple as HAPPY... because sometimes, what more do you need?