Tuesday, December 16, 2008

editing


The words have been, can be, and will be said again.
There is no doubt love like ours will replay just as the carousel will never stop spinning or the wheel of time stop turning.
Whether it is once upon a time, happily ever after, or if one day... the truth of it will always be that the feelings were felt, the tears shed, the beats skipped, the laughter spilt, and the loss mourned.

Whether you had laid before me forever and I had received you with open arms or whether I had come to you only to be turned away, the intention was always there; muffled by the complications of life and the maliciousness of the world in which we were placed… the innocence never left.
Sunny weather shone in my mind for miles, not once fearing the coming of the storm.

For me, you were it in its purest form. No fire, and if fire only in the outline of passion. Human nature was never a suspect of interest. If inappropriate, always pure. Sustainability and resistance. A bullet fired into the uncertainty of the universe that never deteriorated and never quite surrendered to the will of gravity.

Through words embellished there was never any harm. As great and mighty as your claims might have been or as scornful and punishing, the magnificence of them always flowed pleasantly through the channels of both my conscious and subconscious mind.
The warmth never trickled cold and the shine in your eyes never truly ran away. Instead, it was silenced by a thin veil. Still, stored somewhere in between good and bad intentions, the implication of love remained unchanged.

All the difference came in the succumbing nature of your heart. That as fragile and as powerful, it never prepared itself for such a battle. The battle was never disguised. The truth is, the reckless river flowed and you stood along, proud as ever, like I had never imagined you could. And that, in its seeming insignificance, was unbearable.

My existence flowed on but its incompleteness was irrefutable. Naïveté tarnished, dependency never once left my side. I was completely submerged by the wave while you had managed to float above it.

To me it was as always as tangible as the weight of your arms around my shaking body. A feeling so vigorous it embodied more than a sense. It was a being all on its own. Something, in all its irony, too real to be true.

And whether your eyes ever registered the frequency of my silhouette in your routine or barely took notice, the love will never be a fabrication of any one's imagination. Deniable through the asphalt finish but apparent in the pothole hidden underneath.

Just as the tree falls without causing any alarm, the protests of my blood will never paint your skies red.

Regardless of time and wearing, to me, it was deemed to remain static.
Destruction never had a chance. Not in a long shot. Coexistence was never attainable. Unimaginable. The storyline will go no further than admitting the subtle implications of my text. The knowledge will not escape me, and I am as aware of the lining as I am of being caught in the rain.

It is gushing, pouring, breathtaking as much as it is silent, reluctant, and heartbreaking. Melancholy and ecstasy coinciding. Resilience at its finest.
All the while, ignorance at its utmost bliss.

Friday, December 12, 2008

late nite inspiration


the words have been, can be, and will be said again. there is no doubt love like ours will replay just as the carousel will never stop spinning and the wheel of time never stop turning. whether it is once upon a time, happily ever after, or if one day... the truth of it will always be that the feelings were felt, the tears shed, the beats skipped, the laughter spilt, and the loss mourned. whether you had laid before me forever and i had received you with open arms or whether i had come to you only to be turned away, the truth is the intention was always there. muffled by the complications of life and the maliciousness of the world in which we were placed the truth is the innocence never left. the warmth never trickled cold and the shine in your eyes never truly ran away. the truth is it was silenced by a thin veil. the truth is the implications of love went unchanged. all the difference came in the succumbing nature of your heart. that as fragile and as powerful, it never prepared itself for a battle. the battle was never disguised. the truth is that the inevitable river flowed and you stood along, proud as ever, like i never imagined you could. and that in itself was the worst. sunny weather shone in my mind for miles never once fearing the coming of the storm. for me, you were it in it's purest form. no fire and if fire only in the form of passion. if passion only in the desire for my well being. never for selfish intentions always in innocence. if inappropriate, always innocent. never changing. my existence flowed on but its completeness was undeniable. the truth of it is that time never left us. and the immensity of it all is still felt whether i was turned away or submerged in a sea of gratefulness. through words embellished there was never any harm because as great and as mighty as your claims might have been or as scornful and punishing, the magnificence of them always rang true through the channels of everything i ever knew or was ever even mildly aware of. and whether your eyes long for me or they know me no longer, the love will never be a fabrication of any one's imagination. and always, just as the tree falls without causing any alarm, the protests of my blood will never paint your skies red. whether your pulse is reaching or whether it's my mind's eye creating its own reality, to me it will always be static. exact. untainted. envy never had a chance. coexistence was never attainable. and so to think that this will ever cease is unfathomable and will never go further than my admitting the subtle implications of this text. the knowledge will not escape me, and i am as aware of the lining as i am of being caught in the rain. it is gushing, pouring, breathtaking as much as it is silent, reluctant, and heartbreaking. melancholy and bliss coinciding. and just like the never ending story, this, my friend, will ALWAYS remain. never i, yours. never you, truly mine... victims of love- at its finest.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

wonderful study session


if only they could all be just as great. :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

because i can't make you love me if you WON'T


hope as an elastic bandage that can only be stretched out so far
love, as the cure all, that when forcefully applied does more damage than good 
LIFE as the large drawing board 
onto which nothing will appear unless applied 

Monday, December 1, 2008

nothing really .


so responsibility is a pretty simple thing to understand 
it's something you have to take care of. it doesn't take a neurosurgeon to know that. now getting whatever it is that you have to take care of, getting taken care of, that's a different story entirely. one does not fail at life because one does not know what is required. one fails at life by knowing what needs to be done and flat out not doing it. simple. wether it's putting it off to the point that it never gets done or putting it off to the point where the end result is so rushed that it's shit, same difference. anyway while i'm writing this i am well aware of what i should be doing instead. but i'm choosing not to. i'm in denial but without the denial part. you know? like i'm doing something wrong, which i do quite often, and i think 'NO! stop.' and bam i keep going. and going. and enjoying it actually. until, you know, night comes and then it's like 'shit. why did i eat that last piece of chocolate, or like check out that guy, or like stay on facebook and perez so long?'. the problem isn't that i do that. well it kinda is but the bigger problem is really that i don't do anything to stop it. i complain about it. and freak out occasionally. and fantasize once in a while in order to completely disregard the reality of things. but i don't really do anything to fix my problems. even when the solution is a simple 'No.' or a simple flicking of the off switch. and that there, is the real problem. apathy. like really engraved apathy. like to the point that you say you care and you think about it and all that jazz but you don't do anything about it. but it's my life, right? so i really do care about it. except i'm probably still at the point where i think i can get away with a lot of things that i really can't. and that's why i'm apathetic. kuz i think i'm not going to solve anything and it will still be fine. except it won't. kuz if i don't exercise i WILL get fatter and stuff. and if i don't read then, well, there go my grades. and if i don't get a job soon, i'll just keep being broke. and all of that stuff is really no fun.