nothing really .

so responsibility is a pretty simple thing to understand 

it's something you have to take care of. it doesn't take a neurosurgeon to know that. now getting whatever it is that you have to take care of, getting taken care of, that's a different story entirely. one does not fail at life because one does not know what is required. one fails at life by knowing what needs to be done and flat out not doing it. simple. wether it's putting it off to the point that it never gets done or putting it off to the point where the end result is so rushed that it's shit, same difference. anyway while i'm writing this i am well aware of what i should be doing instead. but i'm choosing not to. i'm in denial but without the denial part. you know? like i'm doing something wrong, which i do quite often, and i think 'NO! stop.' and bam i keep going. and going. and enjoying it actually. until, you know, night comes and then it's like 'shit. why did i eat that last piece of chocolate, or like check out that guy, or like stay on facebook and perez so long?'. the problem isn't that i do that. well it kinda is but the bigger problem is really that i don't do anything to stop it. i complain about it. and freak out occasionally. and fantasize once in a while in order to completely disregard the reality of things. but i don't really do anything to fix my problems. even when the solution is a simple 'No.' or a simple flicking of the off switch. and that there, is the real problem. apathy. like really engraved apathy. like to the point that you say you care and you think about it and all that jazz but you don't do anything about it. but it's my life, right? so i really do care about it. except i'm probably still at the point where i think i can get away with a lot of things that i really can't. and that's why i'm apathetic. kuz i think i'm not going to solve anything and it will still be fine. except it won't. kuz if i don't exercise i WILL get fatter and stuff. and if i don't read then, well, there go my grades. and if i don't get a job soon, i'll just keep being broke. and all of that stuff is really no fun.