catch 22.

the most difficult aspect of life, for me at least, is accepting how fickle the human heart can be; how time can diminish even the strongest of bonds. it's hard for me to be okay with not only the way people can be but the things i myself am capable of. on a side note and probably contradictory to the things i just wrote is that i hate how we feel compelled to take everything so seriously. not only at the heat of the moment but even after we have had a chance to cool off. people were made to, by nature, be overly emotional and at the same time find melodramatics completely unattractive. it's one contradiction stacked on top of another. which comes into play when we meet someone new or we start dating or fall in love or whatever it might be... we hide the way we truly feel and ignore our instincts because any normal person would find all that stuff completely unattractive. but why, when they feel it themselves? it makes no sense. if you've ever heard a guy say, "she was totally cool at first and then turned psycho..." which i'm sure everyone has, then take a second to try and understand what the problem is... are all girls just psycho? or are people just incapable of being attracted to the way people sometimes can feel, and the way they act... have we not all been there before? you ever laid awake thinking about someone and how silly it was but been completely powerless to stop it? so when does compassion and understanding kick in? we certainly justify, or try to, all of our own thoughts and emotions and fears and actions but what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? we freak out. so we try to put up a front so we won't freak anybody else out although we all, for the most part, experience the same emotions. who decided life needs all these rules and whatever happened to just plain honesty? does it ever really exist in its purest form? if you're too afraid to put all your cards out on the table is it because you're scared that there won't be any mystery and therefore no more attraction? or are you afraid that if everyone knew your hand no one would stay in the game? hah, i'm going to go with the second of the two. it is a lose, lose situation either way. but i guess sometime in your life you're bound to find that one person you can be yourself with. tell them exactly what you're thinking, kiss them however many times you want, be as near or as far away as you feel the need to be and still have them be completely and irrevocably in love with you... everyone just has to be patient because apparently time is the cure-all to everything life has to throw your way. yeah, time... the one thing no one can control.