revised.

"i've made up my mind, don't need to think it over. if i'm wrong.. i am right, don't need to look no further."

"if i tell the world i'll never say enough kuz it was not said to you and that's exactly what i need to do. if i end up with you..."

-but what if?
=it isn't
-yeah, i know. but what if?
=it isn't. and that's all that matters. you're living in a what if world.
-i know, but come on... what if?
=it doesn't matter.

"would it be a waste... even if i knew my place. should i leave it there?"

i justify a lot of the things i do by downplaying the significance of whatever it is i am about to do. if i shouldn't have one more cookie i think "it's just one cookie". if i want to skip my workout for the day i say "well it's just one day and i'm tired". if i want to buy something i shouldn't i think "well it's just this one time". but what those justifications lead to is a habit. that cookie turns into 10 more each day. that skipped work out soon becomes nonexistent. and that one time turns into me spending all the time and stressing about money later. when i let my self do things i know i shouldn't, and this goes beyond the cookies and workouts, i subconsciously send myself the message that it's okay to do everything i'm doing even if i am hurting myself. it sort of becomes self destructive... normalizing things that should not be normal. things that i should be weary about and stay away from. and not only do i hurt myself when i perform these actions but after i'm left to think about the things i've done and grow to resent myself for behaving the way i've allowed myself to. it's a lose lose situation that i get myself into to give into a little self gratification that usually only lasts until i finish all the cookies in the pack or watch tv instead of going on a run. it's a hard habit to break out of when i'm so stubborn. when i want something my justifications just make so much sense.